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The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5,000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them. New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave. Are you saying she is going to buy a tux for me?”“Probably. She isn’t into renting clothes.”“But that’s hundreds of dollars even for a cheap one, and I have the feeling that cheap isn’t going to happen. And, besides, I live in a fucking cave,” he returned, obviously deeply worried. “I have no place to keep a tux, and after the wedding, nowhere to wear one, ever. Look,” he said, desperation in his voice, “Jas and I thought that you would bring someone from Earth to marry us, and that would be it. Now, I’m hearing about wedding plans, wedding dresses and a tux for me. I’m just a fucking prisoner without a dime to my name and a certainty of zero money in my future.”“Well, at least I’ll have company,” the Prime returned with a grin.“Company?”“Yeah, company as in also wearing a monkey suit. You don’t think Diana will let me slide, do you?”Morales just stared back at the Prime.The two sat in uncomfortable silence before Morales finally cleared his throat. “Uh, Colonel Matthews, could I.
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